As fell clutches of circumstances and bludgeonings of chance went Kevin found himself in the most dreadful and despairing of them all: He was unable – as any self-respecting angst-ridden teenager with ripped jeans and white trainers was able – to procure for himself either a trophy or token girlfriend.
Snotty nosed, pimply faced, and pigeon-livered as he was with barely two ounces of personality between his ears he had little hope and even less probability of ever being the object of anyone’s desire or derision. He simply went round and round the revolving door of high school life, unable to make friends – or, worse, enemies.
It was prom night in a month and Kevin was still a romping babe in the woods of high school romance, unable to say boo to a goose or coo to a cow. No turtledove or cute canary fluttered anywhere near poor Kevin. In the bakery of his lonely existence he could only window-stare at the sweetie pies and sugar buns on display.
Kevin knew he was alone because he needed to find someone who had the same interests as he did. He was obsessed with the idea of finding his female counterpart – a soul mate who’d think like him, feel like him, want the same things he did.
One day he was gripped by the idea and gored by the thought that if he went to Bangkok all his troubles would be solved. He had heard that girls there were quite literally falling over themselves in their eagerness to latch on to any available guy.
So dear Kevin hopped off to Bangkok and looked slick about it. He stared like a stuck pig at the vast repository of single girls and flattering floozies issued at the airport like marigold garlands at a Hindu wedding. Tiny girls hung round the neck of obese men looking like hummingbirds on the backs of carabao buffalo.
However, even though the rest of the fatso mass of corpulent manhood managed to sate their consumption of Thai girls Kevin found himself – much to his bewilderment and disappointment – all alone.
Kevin was about to leave the madding crowd and come to terms with his ignoble strife when he heard a little twinkle star voice beside him ask “Do you like a Bangkok?” It belonged to an angelic creature fashioned by the gods of beauty and seduction. Kevin was in rapture at the sight of her. So delicate, so ethereal… could she be the one? But looks were not all – she had to be similar to him as well.
“No,” volunteered Kevin, hesitatingly.
“Me too,” replied the rose petal voice. “Do you like a Thai food?
“Yes,” said Kevin.
“Me too,” replied the honey bush voice. “Do you like to a reading?”
“Yes,” said Kevin.
“Me too,” replied the dewdrop voice. “Where is your dream holiday?”
“Hawaii,” said Kevin.
“Me too,” replied the pearly voice.
By now Kevin’s heart was fluttering like a chaffinch trapped in a hedge. This little Thai beauty was proving to be everything he had hoped for.
“Do you like watching a movies?”
“Yes,” said Kevin smiling broadly.
“Me too,” replied the summer breeze voice with a demure smile. “Do you like a chocolate ice creams?”
“Oh yes!” exclaimed Kevin beaming like a halogen lamp in the black hole of Calcutta.
“Me too,” murmured the spring rill voice. “Do you want to have a partner to going out with?”
“Oh YES YES!” cried Kevin almost breaking into an Irish jig and blushing in all languages.
“Me too,” whispered the satin bed sheet voice. “What’s your name?”
“Kevin!” said Kevin.
“Me too,” replied the smiling angel voice.
