Lucy was getting antsy and edgy. She believed she was special. She believed she had special powers. She informed her boyfriend, Nester, about this. Nester stared at her gobsmacked, wondering, not for the first time, if he was going out with a girl who was completely potty.
“When you say ‘Special Powers’ do you mean you’re some kind of a superhero?” he enquired of her.
“No you thicko, I mean I have special abilities.”
Nester wanted to ask her if she was sure it wasn’t special needs that she had.
Lucy believed she had learnt the secrets of Healing from the Grand Reiki master, Danos III.
Nester asked her if she had a healing touch like Jesus. She glared rattling sabres at him until he fell silent. She then insisted that he join her for her next session with Danos III.
Nester had no way of escape. He had to attend. He counted the days with dread. The great Reiki master Danos had all kinds of pretty ideas that he foisted upon his followers. He preached that thinking was a deficient way of exercising the mind. His chosen ones would move beyond thinking to another dimension of time and space to a state of heightened awareness. In this elevated state of consciousness they would be able to repel rational thoughts, and concentrate on pure energy. They would fine-tune their abilities to filter out negative energies and focus only on positive energy. Therefore, by melding their mind with the ultimate consciousness of the Universe his followers would be able to heal the sick.
Lucy brought her own brand of Eastern mysticism to the heady New Age bunkum spewed by Danos. She believed that by enabling her to tap into the universal consciousness Danos was only helping her to channel her latent ability to work with the life force.
She informed Nester that the universe is filled with energy – energy that cannot be detected by scientific instruments. She herself was blessed with a natural ability to manipulate these energies. All she needed was a little fine-tuning. Then she would be able to heal anyone with her touch.
At the Danos workshop Lucy learnt how to unblock people’s energy streams, balance their chis, and tap into the yins and yangs of parallel universes. She was in harmony with Nature and attuned to the vibrations of hidden force fields. She left, dizzy with an unfamiliar sensation. If she recognised it she would have realised it was elation. She was on a high. She had learnt how to heal people with her hands. She always knew she was special.
Nester was bemused by all of what he saw. To him it was nothing short of mumbo-jumbo quackery. As far as he was concerned people could drink horse urine or sniff hippo fart if they felt it would make them better. It still didn’t change the fact that guys like Danos were quacks of the most dangerous kind, who fleeced insecure and gullible people.
Unfortunately, Lucy was both insecure and gullible. She needed to believe she was special. Danos gave her that. Nester could see why Lucy left the workshop feeling elated. She believed she had powers that doctors didn’t. She felt revitalised and empowered and giddy with purpose. She was going to heal the world – or if not the world then at least herself and the people around her.
She was so giddy she decided to test her newly acquired and finely tuned special powers. As soon as they reached her apartment she turned to Nester and inquired, “Do you have any ailments?”
Nester knew where this was going. “Umm… No, I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure! Don’t you have some kind of an ache?”
“Well my knee is sore from where I banged it against the stairway the other day.”
“Perfect. I’m going to heal you knee then.”
“No, that’s alright. It doesn’t hurt too bad.”
Lucy glared at him. “I said I’m going to heal your knee. Now stick it out before I yank it out!”
Nester complied but was sceptical. He had seen Danos’ methods. And he was not impressed. Lucy, however, was taking it all very seriously. She lit a couple of incense sticks and dimmed the lights. She then placed her hands over Nester’s knee and focused. Lucy stared Aikidoka stares and breathed Ju-Jitsu breaths in her attempt to concentrate.
The energy from parallel universes rushed through her fingers like Klondike prospectors seeking alluvial gold.
Yin and Yang clashed like the Titans of yore.
The vibrations of sub-atomic particles fell into line like obedient corporals in an army drill.
Good energy duelled with bad energy while ugly energy smirked in the corner.
Hidden quantum dimensions unfurled like rolls of Persian carpets.
Cosmic Black holes merged with White holes and made Grey Holes.
Magnetic resonance resonated like bullfrog croaks in a Canadian creek.
Sparks of expectation flickered and flared.
Hope hovered like a dragonfly.
Finally, all seemed to come together in a symphony of sanguinity. Good and bad Chis were now in harmony and drinking herbal tea together. Positive and negative Kis reconciled and toasted each other with great bonhomie.
Lucy lifted her hands and looked expectantly at Nester. In a hushed breathless tone she asked, “Well, is your knee any better then?”
Nester stared blankly at her and replied, “No.”
